Wednesday, April 20, 2011

4am.

I don't like getting woken up at 4am.
I think most people would agree.

I saw a lot of the 4am hour during the first 6 months of Jacob's little life. 
Jacob would wake up for the 2nd or 3rd time on any given night and I would be angry.
More than angry.
I would sometimes just lay there wishing he would just fall back asleep, trying to ignore the crying.
Sometimes I would throw the covers off of me, stomp out of bed and say a few words I would rather not repeat.
I was tired and worn out.

About 2 months ago we decided to let him cry it out.
Hard decision but well worth it in the end.
Ever since that day he has fallen asleep on his own.
No rocking, no swaying, no cuddling, no light patting on the bottom.
We just sing a little song, kiss him on the head, lay him down and he falls asleep.
It's quite wonderful.

Except that I miss cuddling with him.
Jacob's never really been very cuddly but he would let me rock him to sleep, most of the time.
After hours of crying and screaming he would fall asleep in my arms and snuggle up against me.
I would be so grateful he finally had fallen asleep and was quiet that I would lie him down and go about the day, not thinking twice about it.

But now I miss it.

Last night he woke up crying. Usually I can give him a pacifier, turn on some music and he's out again within minutes, but not last night.
I was annoyed.
I wanted to go back to sleep. I was tired.
I took him out of the crib and starting rocking him in the chair.
As he was looking up at me and slowly falling back to sleep I realized it had been so long since I had put him to sleep this way.
I instantly had a change of heart.
Until that moment I hadn't realized I missed rocking my little boy so much.
I smiled down at him, sang softly and rubbed his little head. 
He fell asleep about 5 minutes later but I couldn't stop rocking him. 
We sat there for another 10 minutes before I laid him down.
 
Time is going by so fast and I often forget to slow down and enjoy tender moments with Brett and the boys. 
Last night was a reminder, even at 4am.

3 comments:

hannah singer said...

adrian-thank you! when i am so dang tired it is hard for me to just ENJOY elijah. every moment. not just the convenient ones. i'm crying reading this, being reminded that my little is getting big-not sure if we'll ever get another baby. i need to slow down, and breathe all these sweet times in, time just moves too quickly!
xo

Anonymous said...

Oh geez!! Go ahead...make me cry!! Glad you realize it now and not when he's 30!! :)
You're a good mama!! I love you!!

Gee said...

Oops!! That last one was me and I checked the wrong box!! hahaha!!