Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Things I Hear.

Often times when I am out with my boys I hear the same comments.

"My you are busy."
"Oh Dear, you need a break."
"How do you ever get enough rest?"
and my favorite...
"Your hands sure are full."
(as I then look around to see what other children I must have collected along the way.)

I know people mean well when they makes these comments.
I know they are not trying to be rude. I know they are not trying to be negative.
I know they are not intentionally trying to hurt me, but they are.

Yes, all of the above it slightly true.
I am busy, some days, but generally we are pretty mellow and laid back.
Some days I do need a break, as any mother does, but I like what I do everyday. I like my job.
Almost every night I get enough rest, except for when the kids are sick, which thankfully is not often.
And sometimes my hands are quite literally full as I am carrying Jacob, the diaper bag, two sippy cups and holding Ethan's hand while we are crossing the parking lot.

These comments are hurtful because of what I think afterward.
Do I look that overwhelmed or disheveled?
Are the boys being too loud and noisy? I thought they were just having fun.
Are the bags under my eyes really that dark? I thought my makeup was covering them up. Heck the fact that I have makeup on is amazing.
Do my kids seem out of control or too hard to manage? 

The answer is NO to all of the questions that run through my head.
I know that I'm not overwhelmed. I know that my boys are wonderful.
I know that I get enough rest. I know that I'm doing the best I know how.
I know that I want to be a mom, everyday. 

So yesterday as we were loading groceries into our cart an elderly woman approached me.
"Here we go," I thought.
To my surprise she said,
"Honey, your children are so well behaved. They are beautiful and just so happy."
I thanked her, as Jacob flirted a little and Ethan loaded up some bananas, and then walked away beaming.
  I felt full of pride.
That tiny little comment, that took all of 1 minute, was so affirming and gracious.

Wouldn't it be nice if we heard more of this everyday? Wouldn't it be nice if people focused on the positive and not the negative? Wouldn't it be nice if we praised one another for the good we are doing?
Wouldn't it be nice if we took a couple of moments to say a few kind words?
I think so. 
And it would make my trips to Target and the grocery store a little happier.

And I'm linking up over here for the first time...


hannah singer said...

adrian! yes!
i am with you on this. i get the same comments...and i only have one kiddo! he is often a handful, but he is just right;)

love you and am bursting with excitement...see you in a few days!! xo

katie said...

I totally agree with you on this. I love when people make loving comments like that.

Alyss said...

For some CRAZY reason, I have tears in my eyes. I love that you were encouraged in that way. I try hard to say kind words to moms with louder kids. I can just imagine that they get more looks and more comments like the ones you listed than ones about how sweet their children are. Thanks for the encouragement with your post!

Megan said...

Hopped over here from We Encourage...

Great post! I can understand what you're saying, and I know it is all too easy to doubt yourself (myself) and question how we look, what we're doing, how capable we seem, etc...

It appears that I'm guilty, because I know there have been many times that I've mentioned to another mother in passing that she has her hands full. However, it is NOT at all a comment on anything except for the fact that I'm impressed with her ability to mother whatever kids she has with her, be out and about, and be put together. I mean it as a compliment, truly.

angie on maui said...

Hi Adrian,

I'm visiting and following you from "We Encourage"; although I haven't yet shared any of my own stories in this weekly link-up, I do love reading everyone else's posts.

Your post really struck a chord with me and I wanted to thank you for writing so honestly about how you feel. I've actually said similar things to friends and acquaintances in passing and although I had the best of intentions at heart, I never once thought that my comments could be misunderstood...and now I wonder how many times I might have hurt someone's feelings. Thank you so much for the gentle reminder!

I love that a complete stranger paid you such a lovely compliment. It's wonderful to hear how much of an affect a simple, random act of kindness can have on someone's day!

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know I'm reading along. Nice to meet ya! :)


Jami said...

sometimes a comment from a stranger can make all the difference in our day. We've all been there! Thanks for linking up, so glad you did!

Gee said...

Just tell yourself, everyday, how amazing you really are!! Thank the Lord for that little lady in the grocery store!! Maybe she's been in your shoes!! You are a terrific wife, mama, sister, daughter!! Love you girly!!

Emily Ann Wilson said...

I got a little teary eyed too, actually. You're great, Ade. And I hope you always know that, even during low moments. I love this quote and I think you will too. Life really should be all about the little, beautiful things. And you're right, we should celebrate them and each other more often.

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”

I love you! You're a startlingly great example of the type of mother I hope to be someday (if I have a kid haha!)