7 months.

I'm 31 weeks today which makes me actually closer to 8 months than 7 but I thought an update was in order. I'm still feeling pretty good and the doctor says everything is looking great. My belly is growing at a good rate, although I am a tad on the larger side, and the baby's heart rate is at  about 145, which is great. My weight gain and blood pressure have been right on track and my glucose tests came back normal. I now have to go to the doctor every 2 weeks, which seems crazy to me that I already have to go so often. The only real bummer has been the back pain and lower pelvic pain I have been experiencing. I didn't do any of this with Ethan and let me tell you it is not comfortable. Also not so comfortable is the constant rolling and punching this baby is doing in my belly. I'm grateful that he's alive a kickin' in there but a little break would be nice. My bladder would be grateful too, I'm sure of it.

So now the waiting begins.

I'm becoming more anxious about the delivery which I find surprising. I never thought I would have these feelings since I've done it once before, but maybe it's because I know what to expect this time that makes me more nervous. You kind of go in blindly the first time around.  I'm also nervous that something will go wrong during the delivery, like the cord will be wrapped around the babies neck, or I'll have to push for hours on end with no baby resulting in a cesarean. Or that he's breach and I'll have to have a cesarean regardless.

I'm also anxious about how everything is going to work once the baby is here. I'm a planner and I like order. I like that I have a routine and a schedule, and Ethan flows very well with that schedule. I fear that everything will be turned upside down, which I know it will be for a little while, but that it will never return to normal. And that I'll be this crazy frantic wife and mother for eternity.

I know this all sounds a bit crazy and writing it out makes me laugh, but it's the truth. I also know this is what happens when pregnant. It's only natural for my mind to wander and worry, I just need to keep it in check and remind myself that ultimately I'm not in control. At the end of the day I trust that everything will be fine, even if it doesn't go according to my plan.

Over the last few days I have thought about Proverbs 3:5-6 which reads,
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."