It ain't easy.

The past two weeks have been difficult. 

Jacob cries a lot, which may be colic or acid reflux, we're not sure yet. We're on our fourth type of formula and hopefully things will be better from here on out.

Now Ethan has a pretty nasty cold and I think Jacob may be getting it too.

The lack of sleep, crying, and whining sometimes seems unbearable, but then the moment passes and things seem better. I don't know how many times I have said I can't take it anymore and then somehow I just move along. Thankfully Brett has been helpful, even though we have gotten on each other's last nerve now and again, and our family has helped out too.

I know things will get better and I'm so looking forward to that day. 

I'm pretty sure God's trying to teach me a lesson in patience which I have very little of and I know it's one of my character traits that I need to work on. I'm learning.

Although right at this moment the boys are a little more than a handful, I'm so happy to have them and couldn't love them more. I mean look at these little handsome faces...

how could you not just love them and want to eat them up.

3 to the 0.

Tomorrow I turn 30.

I've never cared much about my age. It's really just a number and what does it matter.

I've always felt younger than my age anyway and it really does seem silly to me that I'm going to be 30.

Since I'm starting a whole new decade I've been thinking a lot about what I'd like to accomplish in my 30's. 

I've never set any goals depending upon age, like, "I have to do this by the time I'm (fill in the blank)".

But sometime in my 20's I decided I wanted to find someone to spend my life with and be done having children by 30. While I'm not sure about the "done having children" part, I was fortunate enough to find the man that wanted to share his life with me, and I think we have a good start on the kid thing. 

But the more I've thought about what I want to do in my 30's the more I've come up with a blank answer. 

I mean sure I'd like to...

Travel

Learn more about photography

Become a better cook

Move or remodel our house

Have more kids

Sleep in

Read more

Learn more about politics

And the list goes on and on....

Those are all great things. Things that can probably happen. But they are not certain. I can't do them today.

Then it occurred to me, while I can hope and dream about the next ten years, nothing is set in stone.

The biggest thing I learned in my 20's is that things are not always as they seem. Things don't always go as planned and life sometimes throws you curve balls. I truly learned about life "giving you lemons and making lemonade."

So as I head into my 30's I'm not going to make any great plans for myself. I'm not going to say, "by the time I'm 40 I plan to..."

What I am going to do is be the best wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend that I possibly can be. I can do that everyday. Those things are certain.

Updates and Such.

I'm finding it harder and harder to post these days, so a list of what's been happening will have to do.

*Brett went back to work yesterday which meant it was my first day with the boys all alone. Jacob cried a lot and Ethan only had one meltdown, so it was a pretty good day. I was able to get some laundry done and cook dinner. I felt triumphant. 

*I've decided that I am not much of an infant person. Now this doesn't mean that I don't love my child, it just means that I want him to be a little bigger. I'm looking forward to him holding his head up, sleeping more through the night, crying less and not having to be held almost all the time. 

*Since Jacob likes to cry a bunch and I can't give Ethan attention all the live long day, he has been watching more TV than I would like. This TV watching trend will not go on for long, or so I hope, but at this point in time I don't care. It makes me not go crazy. 

*Hallelujah for baby carriers! I have two right now that Jacob loves, the Moby Wrap and Baby Bjorn. Without these two ingenious contraptions Jacob would not be content and my arms would fall off. I want to run up to the makers of said items in slow motion and longingly hold them. They have saved my life.

*I am utterly obsessed with Glee. If you do not watch, exit this screen right now, find some episodes on Hulu or YouTube, or run out and buy season one. This show is the greatest. I was a little late in jumping on the Glee wagon but I am almost caught up to season two. Ms. Brittney Spears is on tonight and I can't wait to watch. 

*I plan on getting out of the house a couple times this week, kids in tow. I've gone to the mall once with both of them and it wasn't a disaster. I have to admit that my mom and sister were there too so I wasn't completely alone, and I probably won't be this week either. I'll admit that I'm still a bit nervous to take them out by myself, but I know the day will come, and it will probably be to Target. 

*I miss going out on dates with Brett. We've had one since Jacob has been born and I'm hoping we have another this weekend. It's funny to think that we literally used to go out like five times a week. Oh those were the good old days. But what a waste of cash!

That's all for now...off to fold laundry. Exciting, I know.

Friday at the Park.

On Friday we went to the park.

It was Brett's last weekday with us before he had to go back to work.

We packed lunch, well bought Subway, and headed off to the park to play.

Jacob did a lot of sleeping.

Ethan did a lot of playing.

And Ethan tried very hard to wake up his little brother. 

Silly & Sleepy.

A Thankful Reminder.

For the last couple of days I've been having my own little pity party.

I'm tired, cranky, my house is a mess, I don't know the last time I washed my hair, I want to wear my regular jeans, I want my old schedule back. I've been mean to Brett for no real good reason and my patience has been short with Ethan on a few occasions.

I hear myself complaining and know that I am being foolish, but the words just keep coming out. 

I know my little pity party has a lot to do with the hormones raging through my body right now and my lack of sleep. But to be honest, it's unacceptable. I'm only making myself feel worse.

And then today I watched Oprah.

I actually think God wanted me to watch Oprah, yes, silly as that may sound. 

I'm not really a huge fan of Oprah, she scares me a little, but I sometimes will watch her show.

Earlier in the week I had seen the previews for her Friday show and I was interested. She was giving away ultimate dreams to deserving people and announcing the next book for her book club. 

I was most interested in the book announcement. 

When Friday came around I forgot to watch and didn't really think twice about it. 

Then last night when I was feeding Jacob around midnight I remembered that her show is run again at 1:30 in the morning. 

I decided to record it. 

(Trust me, this is leading somewhere)

So today while Brett and Ethan were outside and I was giving Jacob a bottle I decided to watch the show.

Her first guest was a woman that I will never forget.

A few years ago she went into the hospital to give birth to her second child. Everything was seemingly fine. She gave birth to a healthy baby girl, but unfortunately she had developed a flesh eating disease and the only way to save her life was by amputating both of her legs and arms. 

Over the next few years she had to learn how to care for herself, her daughters, and husband, all while trying to maneuver around a small cramped apartment that was not handicap accessible. 

To top it off, her husband had recently lost his job and was having a hard time finding work.

And this woman has a good attitude about life everyday. She has made due with what she has been giving and she has a smile on her face.

As I sat there watching, and crying of course, I felt so ashamed of myself and my sad little pity party. 

I have a house, a husband with a job, two healthy children, and for cryin' out loud all of my limbs.

And I'm feeling sorry for myself because I haven't taken a shower and I want some more sleep. 

I was being ridiculous. I was being selfish. I was taking everything I have for granted. 

I instantly changed my attitude. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I prayed. I instantly felt lighter. 

My problems are not really problems at all. God has given me and my family so much to be grateful for.

I won't forget that woman and I hope the next time I'm having a little pity party, which will happen again I'm sure, she will pop into my mind and I will thank the Lord for what he has given me.

The girls.

I never posted pictures of the day the girls finally got to meet Jacob. 

We had all been talking about him for quite some time, obviously, and they wanted to see him badly. 

Abby was more than excited. She would have smothered him we let her.

Radley was a tad bit less interested. Later she told Amy, "too small". 

I don't think she's a fan of little babies, but she did touch his feet.

And I managed to get a horrible picture of all the kids sitting together.

This last picture cracks me up. It sums each one of them up pretty well.